A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs. Very good, William, said the teacher. My mommy had a baby, said little Esther. Oh, that's nice, replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns. The teacher was relieved but puzzled, And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny? It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.
共同语言 母亲接连为女儿介绍了四个对象，女儿都不满意，母亲实在憋不住了，就问：“究竟什么样的对象才称你的心呢？”女儿红着脸说：“我要找一个有共同语言的人。”母亲听了感到莫名其妙：“娃呀，他们又不是外国人，难道你还怕听不懂他们的话？”
Where is Jesus today? A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, Where is Jesus today? Steven raised his hand and said, He's in heaven. Mary was called on and answered, He's in my heart. Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!! The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!
受伤 一对恋人漫步在林荫道上。女：“我们被丘比特的神箭射中了。”男：“射中我没关系，但不能射中你，只要我在，决不能让你受伤。”女：“我真的受伤了。”
Redneck Etiquette - Redneck Driving Etiquette - Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.- Redneck Personal Hygiene - Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work.A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method. - Redneck Dining Out - Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours. - Redneck Entertaining in Your Home -A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are. If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes. - Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) - Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago. If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, watertower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration. - Redneck Theater Etiquette - Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. - Redneck Wedding Etiquette -Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding. When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is. A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbundand a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance.Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.- Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.Always say Excuse me after getting sick in someone else's car. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around. Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
恐龙女生和猪头男生 校园恐龙女生和猪头男生对对碰！当一个女的长相低於60分....我们通常叫她恐龙.. 当一个男的长相低於60分....我们通常叫他猪头 若有男的被配成她学伴...我们叫他龙骑士 若有女的被配成他学伴...我们叫她养猪户 当这位男的有被他学伴强约出去的行为...我们壮烈的叫它屠龙 当这位女的有被她学伴强约出去的行为...我们壮烈的叫它杀猪 而他努力摆脱她的纠缠的经过..我们叫倚天屠龙记 而她努力摆脱他的纠缠的经过..我们叫销毁口蹄疫病猪 若是一整个系的女孩都很00xx......我们叫这个系为龙塔..或龙穴 若是一整个系的男孩都很鸡鸡歪歪......我们叫这个系为猪圈或ㄉ一寮 而若有哪个系很勇敢的跟她们做学伴...我们叫他们炎龙骑士团 丑女饲养的宠物叫龙猫..... 丑男栽培的植物叫猪笼草 没事手养帮丑女按摩叫抓龙... 没事手养帮丑男按摩叫拱猪 在街上跑的丑女的叫龙在江湖.... 在街上跑而跌倒的丑男的叫天猪地灭。 而若有哪个系很勇敢的跟他们做学伴...我们叫她们猪公进香团 如果新进的学妹更丑...我们叫他龙的传人或小龙女.. 如果已进的学长更丑...我们叫他太上猪皇或猪哥标.. 如果又丑又八卦...我们叫他...天龙八部 如果又丑又八卦...我们叫他...猪八戒 龙骑士的红外套叫做神龙盔甲..... 养猪户的杀猪刀叫做剁猪宝刀..... 龙骑士的坐骑叫做龙王号..... 养猪户和猪头约会的场所叫屠宰厂 龙给龙骑士吃的糖糖叫做龙须糖..... 猪给养猪户吃的蛋糕叫做猪血糕.....
You Might Be a Redneck! What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? 'Hey y'all... Watch this!'How To Pick Up A Chick In Arkansas:Hey Baby! Nice tooth.You Might Be A Redneck If...You think the last three words of the nationalanthem is 'start your engines.'You Might Be A Redneck If...Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.You Might Be A Redneck If...One of your kids was born on a pool table.You Might Be A Redneck If...If you refer to the fifth grade as, your senior year.You Might Be A Redneck If...You think the stock market has fence around it.You know yer a redneck when you take a load to thedump and bring back more than you took.You Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.You Might Be A Redneck If...Your grandfather died and left everything to hiswidow... but she can't touch it 'til she's fourteen.You Might Be A Redneck If...The figurines on top your wedding cake were wearing overalls.You Might Be A Redneck If...Your favorite restaurant has a sawdust floorYou Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever burped and killed a flyYou Might Be A Redneck If...There were dogs in the church on your wedding dayYou Might Be A Redneck If...You're saving up to gravel your driveway.You Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever bought a used cap.You Might Be A Redneck If...You turn the sprinkler on and tell the kidsit's a water park.You Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever had to have a wrecker pull your carout of a pothole in your driveway.You Might Be A Redneck If...Your wedding cake was made by Sarah LeeYou Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.You Might Be A Redneck If...Winn-Dixie catered your wedding.You Might Be A Redneck If...Your not actually able to read the Richard Petty Story, but you sure like to look at the pictures. You Might Be A Redneck If...You've ever tried to pass an entire funeral procession.You Might Be A Redneck If...Your driving a vehicle with no original body parts.You Might Be A Redneck If...In preparation for a romantic evening, you stop by thegrocery store for a bottle of Mr. Bubble.You Might Be A Redneck If...The fireworks stand gives you a volume discount.
爱的差别 一个美国人同一个法国人在谈论爱情。“在我们国家，”法国人说，“年轻人向姑娘求爱都是彬彬有礼、含情脉脉的。以后，两人相爱了，最初，年轻人开始吻姑娘的指尖，而后是手、耳朵、脖子……”“我的上帝。”美国人叹着气说，“要是在我们美国，在这段时间，他们早已度完蜜月回来了。”
Ventriloquist A young ventriloquist is touring the Southwest and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes - we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas! Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts him and says, You stay out of this mister-- I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!
不要脸 男：我好喜欢你喔...我真的很喜欢你...我可不可以亲亲你？..女：不要脸....男：那我亲嘴好了....
爱有多深？ 女：“你总是说爱我爱我，哪你到底有多爱我呀？！？” 男：“一毛钱之多。”女：“啊！你就对我那么一点爱呀？！”男：“亲爱的，一毛钱不就是十分嘛！”
51 days A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and 10 glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! Finally the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others. They begin dancing around the table, exchanging high five's, all the while chanting 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, What's all the chanting and celebrations about? The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!
恋爱时节 “亲爱的玛丽，”年轻的威廉在信中写道：“请原谅我再次打扰你。由于我的热恋，使我的记性如此糟糕，我现在一点儿也记不起来，当我昨天向你求婚的时候，你说的是‘行’还是‘不行’？”玛丽很快回信，信中说：“亲爱的威廉，见到你的信我真高兴。我记得昨天我说的是‘不行’，但是我实在想不起来是对谁说的了。再一次吻你。”
We don’t sell to blondes A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. I would like to buy this TV, she told the salesman. Sorry, we don't sell to blondes, he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman I would like to buy this TV. Sorry, we don't sell to blondes, he replied. Darn, he recognized me, she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. I would like to buy this TV. Sorry, we don't sell to blondes, he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed How do you know I'm a blonde? Because, he replied, that's a microwave.