最近在批改学生的GRE作文，发现学生犯了一个很多人容易犯的错误——过度使用个人例子进行论证。当然，这也是很多雅思学生在写雅思大作文中常常犯的一个错误，今天我在这里指出来，希望大家能在写作中更加谨慎对待这一点，以提高作文质量。
学生原文：划线地方为需要改正部分
However, excessive compliments will enhance prejudice and pride in students’ personal growth with a significant proportion of teenagers grappling with this issue, which will block their progress and contribute to laziness. Besides, ignorance of inappropriate behaviors will lead to some catastrophic influence.To bolster my stance, my little cousin Jim who suffered from the exposure of overpraise is a typical instance. He has a talent for running and won a plethora of prizes when he was a teenager. In the beginning, he was thrilled with others’ approval and obtained confidence in running competitions, whereas when having accomplished more and more competitions, he became substantially prideful and looked down on his peers and rivals. The absent discipline of modesty desensitized him to be tired of training, contributing to more aggressive and violent behavior. During a competition, his leg was hurt due to his lack of warming up and the conflict with his peers, which broke his champion dream and contributed to his recent regret.
修改后：黑体字为修改后的部分
However, excessive compliments can foster prejudice and pride in students, a significant proportion of whom may grapple with these issues, hindering their progress and contributing to laziness. Additionally, excessive praise may have negative consequences on students’ development. Studies have shown that students who were consistently praised for their intelligence were more likely to develop a fixed mindset, avoiding challenges and exhibiting lower motivation when faced with difficult tasks. This fixed mindset can hinder the development of resilience and a willingness to take on challenges.
学生原文：划线地方为需要改正部分
Furthermore, the neglect of adverse actions will be significantly detrimental to students' skill development, since they cannot address their weaknesses and will not obtain any progress in their weak aspects.To illustrate this, I can cite a compelling example of my friend Tom. During his youth, he was always praised for his immense academic performance without emphasizing his absent abilities of cooperation and communication. When starting undergraduate study, he was surprised to notice his failure in presentation assignments and collaborative projects with other students. Moreover, it was hard for him to make friends with his college mates since he seldom communicated with them. Thus, while studying at university, he began to nurture his cooperation and communication skills through continued training and practice and eventually achieved success in both academic performance and teamwork.
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Furthermore, the neglect of addressing adverse actions can significantly impede students' skill development, preventing them from addressing weaknesses and hindering progress in areas where improvement is needed. For instance, a comprehensive study conducted by educational psychologists found that when educators solely focus on praising students for achievements without providing constructive feedback on areas that need improvement, the students tend to struggle in developing critical thinking and problem-solving skills. This approach may result in a generation of young individuals who excel in areas where they receive praise but lack essential skills required for well-rounded personal and professional growth.
通过以上例子，我们可以看出，若是想避免过度使用个人例子进行论证的错误，我们可以通过引用研究，或者具有代表性的事实来进行论证。举个例子：
假设我们想讨论塑料污染对海洋生态系统的影响，并希望避免仅仅依赖个人经历。相反，我们可以引用研究结果。
“According to a study published by a renowned environmental organization, the amount of plastic waste in the world's oceans has reached alarming levels, negatively affecting marine life and ecosystems.”
这样的研究数据更具有说服力，因为它代表了更广泛的群体和更普遍的社会情况。
另外，我们可以在论证中加入具有代表性的事实。以森林砍伐为例，我们可以引用一份来自国际森林协会的全球报告，详细描述不可持续砍伐行为的普遍后果。通过引用这样的具体事实，我们不仅扩大了讨论的范围，使观点更具普适性，而且超越了个人经历的局限。
在最终的思考中，我们看到，通过避免依赖个人例子，我们打开了一扇通向更丰富、更深刻论证的大门。透过科学研究和具有代表性的事实的窗户，我们看到了问题更全局的影响，而非仅仅停留在个体的片面经历。这种写作方式不仅赋予我们的观点更广泛的适用性，也在读者心中播下了理性和客观的种子。
作者*雅思8.5达人@Lili 老师
-阅读听力9写作8.5口语8
超过10年的教学经验，曾多次创下帮学生40课时内达到雅思8分和7.5分的高分记录，擅长帮学生搭建高分句型结构、满分素材，强雅思写作批改，直击失分点，英国名校圣安德鲁斯大学(英国卫报排名第二; 威廉王子母校) 英语语言教育硕士，加拿大维多利亚大学MBA毕业，有着深厚的英语语言教学以及写作功底，TESOL 资格证书 TESl Canada 资格认证；扫码关注，紧跟老师掌握正确备考方法，事半功倍