【在混乱中建立自我的秩序】Freedom as Autonomy：自律即自由

2019年10月11日 C++Exam 2没有拿到满分，看到分数的那一刹那真的只有想哭，为什么自己不能再仔细一点，为什么会弱智到连全选题都错，明明属于自己分就这样白白溜走。不甘心，即使告诉自己努力过就没有遗憾，还是不甘心。过去这一个多礼拜，每天10 hour在C++上，到最后还是这样，可能还是在给我上课吧。告诉我，对自己不严格的人就是这种下场，谁让你自己不看全答案，谁让你只复习两三遍，谁让你考试掉以轻心。所有事都有因皆有果，种什么果，开什么花。且行且看吧。

2019年11月9日 【日程安排】 ★HIGH PRIORITY - Volunteer ★MEDIUM PRIORITY - Writing everyday - 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 - Ted & Tv shows - Reading Outsider - Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 - Running ★LOW PRIORITY - Study for Eng100 - 📖 Eng:Reading+Writing+Speaking NO PRIORITY - Essay for the Outsiders * ✔07：00 Get up * ✔0700——0753：Find Volunteer opportunity * ✔0753——0936：Breakfast & Register for volunteer * ✔0936——0953：墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 * ✔0953——1053：墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 * ✔1053——1153：墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 - 1153——1230：墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 - 1230——1330：Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 - 1330——1430：Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 - 1430——1530：Study for Eng100 - 1530——1630：Writing everyday - 1630——1812：Running - 1812——1855：Rest - 1855——1955：Reading Outsider - 1955——2055：Reading Outsider - 2100：Sleep

2019年11月10日 【日程安排】 * 09：00 Get up * 1100——1200：单词整理 * 1200——1345：单词整理 * ——————2 hour—————— * 1345——1400：Buy household items for Cleaning * 1400——1500：Deep Cleaning * ✘1500——1600：Ted & Tv shows * 1600——1700：Running * 1700——1800：Take shower & 整理Call要用的问题 * 1800——1900：Call

2019年11月11日 【日程安排】 * 08：00 Get up * 0813——0944：The conversation with Luis * 0944——1044：单词400 * 1044——1144：单词400 * 1144——1300：Running & Laundry * 1300——1400：Clean up room & 腹肌训练 * 1400——1500：Words 400 * 1500——1600：Rest * 1600——1700：Words 400 * 1700——1800：Words 400 * 1800——1900：Take shower & Make up & do arm training * 1900——2042：Do vedio call * 2043——2143：Words * 2143——2243： Journal * 2243——2303：Speaking training

2019年11月12日 今天一下收获了三个志愿者项目的邮件，真的太快乐了。等了这么多天的忧郁一扫而空，接下来就是好好做志愿者，认真读书，没有什么事情可以再让我烦忧啦！

:D要加油！

2019年11月12日 HIGH PRIORITY ✔- 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (12 Nov) ✔- Reading Outsider (12 Nov) ✘- Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 (12 Nov) ✘- Essay for the Outsiders (12 Nov) ✔- Running (12 Nov) ✔- 【日程安排】 (12 Nov) NO PRIORITY ✔- Volunteer (12 Nov)

【日程安排】 2019年11月12日 * 0530：Get up * 0530——0630：Make up & Prepare for going out * 0630——0715：Breakfast & On the way * 0715——0900：Eng Class * 0900——0923：Go home * 0923——1043：Running

* 1043——1143：Volunteer sign up * 1143——1243：Exercise * 1300——1343：Anki Words * 1343——1525： Sleeping * 1525——1625：Anki Words * 1625——1805：Anki Words

* 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：Reading * 2317——2417：Reading * C++ Programming * C++ Programming

* 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：The outsiders * 2317——2417：The outsiders * C++ Programming * C++ Programming

【日程安排】 2019年11月12日 * 0530：Get up * 0530——0630：Make up & Prepare for going out * 0630——0715：Breakfast & On the way * 0715——0900：Eng Class * 0900——0923：Go home * 0923——1043：Running * 1043——1143：Volunteer sign up * 1143——1243：Exercise * 1300——1343：Anki Words * 1343——1525： Sleeping * 1525——1625：Anki Words * 1625——1805：Anki Words * 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：The outsiders * 2317——2417：The outsiders * C++ Programming * C++ Programming

2019年11月13日 【日程安排】 * 0530：Get up * 0530——0630：Make up & Prepare for going out * 0630——0715：Breakfast & On the way * 0715——0900：Eng Class * 0900——0923：Go home * 0923——1043：Running * 1043——1143：Volunteer sign up * 1143——1243：腹肌 & 腿 * 1300——1343：Anki Words * 1343——1525： Sleeping * 1525——1625：Anki Words * 1625——1805：Anki Words * 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：The outsiders * 2317——2417：The outsiders * ✘C++ Programming * ✘C++ Programming

2019年11月12日 【日程安排】 12 Nov HIGH PRIORITY ✔- 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (12 Nov) ✔- Reading Outsider (12 Nov) ✘- Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 (12 Nov) ✘- Essay for the Outsiders (12 Nov) ✔- Running (12 Nov) ✔- 【日程安排】 (12 Nov) NO PRIORITY ✔- Volunteer (12 Nov) * 0530：Get up * 0530——0630：Make up & Prepare for going out * 0630——0715：Breakfast & On the way * 0715——0900：Eng Class * 0900——0923：Go home * 0923——1043：Running * 1043——1143：Volunteer sign up * 1143——1243：腹肌 & 腿 * 1300——1343：Anki Words * 1343——1525： Sleeping * 1525——1625：Anki Words * 1625——1805：Anki Words * 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：The outsiders * 2317——2417：The outsiders * ✘C++ Programming * ✘C++ Programming

2019年11月13日 【日程安排】 HIGH PRIORITY ✔- 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (12 Nov) ✔- Reading Outsider (12 Nov) ✘- Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 (12 Nov) ✘- Essay for the Outsiders (12 Nov) ✔- Running (12 Nov) ✔- 【日程安排】 (12 Nov) NO PRIORITY ✔- Volunteer (12 Nov) * 0530：Get up * 0530——0630：Make up & Prepare for going out * 0630——0715：Breakfast & On the way * 0715——0900：Eng Class * 0900——0923：Go home * 0923——1043：Running * 1043——1143：Volunteer sign up * 1143——1243：腹肌 & 腿 * 1300——1343：Anki Words * 1343——1525： Sleeping * 1525——1625：Anki Words * 1625——1805：Anki Words * 1832——1932：不背单词 * 1932——20：不背单词 * 2117——2217：不背单词 * 2217——2317：The outsiders * 2317——2417：The outsiders * ✘C++ Programming * ✘C++ Programming

2019年11月13日 【日程安排】 HIGH PRIORITY ✔- The Outsides 每章情节 & 知识点 (13 Nov) 【3 hours】 ✔- Essay for the Outsiders (13 Nov) 【1.5hours】 ✔- Running (13 Nov) 【1.5 hours】 - 【日程安排】 (13 Nov) MEDIUM PRIORITY ✔- Volunteer (13 Nov) 【30mins】 ✔- 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (13 Nov) 【Anki Words :3 hours 不背单词：2hours】 ✘- Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 (13 Nov) 【4 hours】 * 1450——1706：- Essay for the Outsiders (13 Nov) * 1706——1830：take package and buy some stuffs * 0700:Get Up * 0717——0818：Running * 0810——0900：Prepare for going out * 0900——0925：On the way * 0925——1100：Art 100 * 1100——1200：不背单词 * 1200——1245：Rest & Lunch * 1245——1420：Thea Class * 1420——1450：On the way * 1450——1650：- Essay for the Outsiders (13 Nov) * 1650——1920：- The Outsides 每章情节 & 知识点 (13 Nov) * 1920——2040：Volunteer * 2040——2140：Anki review & 不背 review * 2400——0100：- The Outsides 每章情节 & 知识点 (13 Nov) * ✘2140——2400：Study:Csg175:Chapter 6—9 (13 Nov)

2019年11月20日 【日程安排】 HIGH PRIORITY - 墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (20 Nov) - 【日程安排】 (20 Nov) - Running & Work out (20 Nov) MEDIUM PRIORITY - Study:Csg175学完 (20 Nov) LOW PRIORITY - (20 Nov) - Eng100 学完 (20 Nov) - 🔡每日翻译 (20 Nov) - 📖 Eng:Reading+Writing+Speaking (20 Nov) - 0051——0756：Sleeping - 0756——0850：Makeup & Breakfast - 0850——0930：On the way - 0930——1100：Art 100 - 1100——1245：墨墨单词&不背单词&Anki单词 (20 - 1245——1615：Thea 100 - 1615——1700：On the way - 1700——1800：Running & Work out - 1800——2200：Study:Csg175学完 (20 Nov) - 2200——2400：Anki & Daily Poetry & Daily Reading & Daily Audio Book & Daily translation

2019.1123——2020.05.23 单词量一定要＞30000

要允许自己写出垃圾，否则连垃圾都写不出来。

一个人一旦走上了克服自己人性的弱点，并能够利用他人的人性的弱点的途径，就找到了社会的真理和人生的真谛，进去了一个心无旁骛加速奔跑的新世界。

一个人所有的问题，都来自于他对弱点的困惑，对人性的不察，和对社会环境肤浅的认识。

不要急于求成，不用每天盯着自己看到底有没有改变。 每周的自己和上周的自己比，每个月的自己和上个月的自己比。 只有长期看得见的变化，才是可持续的变化。

2019年12月1日 【Daily schedule】 * ✔0800:Get up * ✔0800——0924：Breakfast & Reading * ✔0924——1024：Theatre paper * ✔1024——1124：Theatre paper * ✔1124——1224：Theatre paper * ✔1224——1324：Theatre paper * ✔1324——1424：Theatre paper *✔ 1424——1524：Theatre paper * ✔1524——1600：Theatre paper * ✔1600——1700：Workout * ✔1700——2000：Thea paper * ✔2000——2030：take shower * ✔2030——2230：Art paper * ✔2230——2430：thea paper

2019年12月2日 【Daily schedule】 * ✔ 0020——0209：Art paper * ✔0209——0309：Review thea exam * ✔0309——0438：Review thea exam - 0730：Get up - 0730——0800：Rest - 0800——0900：Breakfast & Make up on the way - 0900——0930：Review for Thea Examn - 0930——1100：Art class - 1100——1245：Put on rent flyer & Get I20 & Review for Thea Exam - 1245——1605：THEA Class - 1605——1805：Running & Workout - 1805——2105：Csg 175 - 2105——0005：Csg 175 - 0005——0102：Esl Presentation - 0102——0202：Esl assignment

人生就是一段付出多少得到多少的体验，又或者是实验。

2019年12月8日 Running or Work out✔ 【1.5 hours】 * Running7.5Km * 臂：20哑铃拖举x1 * 臂：20哑铃拖举x2 * 臂：20哑铃拖举x3 * 胸：20卧躺哑铃扩胸x1 * 胸：20卧躺哑铃扩胸x2 * 胸：20卧躺哑铃扩胸x3 * 腹：20卷腹 * 腹：20卷腹 * 腹：30卷腹 * 腹：30卷腹 * 腹：30卷腹 * 腹：20下抬腿x1 * 腹：20下抬腿x3 * 腹：20下抬腿x2 * 腿：20弹力带负重下蹲x1 * 腿：20弹力带负重下蹲x2 * 腿：20弹力带负重下蹲x3 * 侧腹：50俄罗斯转体 * 臀：40仰卧桥x1 * 臀：40仰卧桥x2 Date: 8 Dec

有死亡才有生命，有黑暗才有光明。

2020.02.18 1844——1934：新词＞60个【】 1944——2034：新词＞60个【】 2044——2134：新词＞60个【】 2144——2234：新词＞60个【】 2244——2334：新词＞60个【】

2020.02.18
1844——1934：新词＞60个【】
1944——2034：新词＞60个【】
2044——2134：新词＞60个【】
2144——2234：新词＞60个【】
2244——2334：新词＞60个【】 (Kiki 🦋)

2020.02.18 1844——1934：新词＞60个【OK】 1944——2034：新词＞60个【OK】 2044——2134：新词＞60个【OK】 2144——2234：新词＞60个【OK】 2244——2334：新词＞60个【OK】

2020.2月——3月目标： 1.瘦回39KG 2.跑步公里超过100KM 3.每日背单词（每天的意思是一天都不能少） 4.PBL竞赛五个第一 5.志愿者时长＞30 hours 6.Math 180 Grade A 7.Math 160 Grade A 8.复习完Cs 175 学完一半Python

【待调整】 1.必须严格根据To do list行事，不做to do list 以外的事。 2.禁止不必要支出。 3.禁止一切Dating app。 4.禁止2200——0800以外的时间在床上睡觉。

【习惯待养成】 1.每日跑步 2.每日背单词 3.每日Reading 4.每日记账 5.每日涂身体乳 6.每日学习 & 生活 & 社交反省总结

2020.02.24 .总结 1.复习刷题应该模拟考试状态，字迹应该工整，并且计算错题百分比。真正考试前应该自己做模拟考试，模拟估分。 2.如果下午休息不上床的话应该能背掉很多单词很做完今日的新reading，不过没关系反正明天就强制化了。 3.应该养成上课前自学的习惯的，不然听教授上课真的效率很低，特别低。 4.今天开车在停车场差点又碰到，为什么永远不长记性要慢慢划出去探头。 5.不知道为什么和Rayne在一起的时候总说不合时宜的话，感觉自己比她还幼稚，这点真的要改。 6.明天应该要把Sales Presentation和 Public Speaking的稿1 写出来准备背诵了。如果复习完Calculus的test 1的话。 7.Math180必须要拿A。

【习惯待养成】
1.每日跑步
2.每日背单词
3.每日Reading
4.每日记账
5.每日涂身体乳
6.每日学习 & 生活 & 社交反省总结 (Kiki 🦋)

7.learn new chapter by myself before every class

Goodnight:)

永远不要低估为一件事情所需要付出的努力，不要因轻视而有所懈怠。 I have always been like that in my life, starting to work on the things that I should accomplish until the last sec, barely showing up on time in any spot that I should be punctual, that is why I am still a loser by now, needing my poor mother’s support by 22 years old. Honestly, Who wouldn't want to be successful? But the tough thing of being successful is, you have to do the things that most of the people they don’t want to do, like making and keeping some habits in day to day life, spending most of the time on study, kicking your bad habits consistently, etc., and then you can be the outstanding one who I am trying to be.

Almost Everything in Cali seems so perfect to me except the dry climate, making your skin like a Sahara desert all the time, no matter how luxurious the lotion you use, it isn't helpful at all. Fuck the climate

Can you think of anything that is less irresponsible for your life than getting pregnant when you are just 14-years-old??? Honestly, I never understand why people don't use condoms, that's how people get pregnant at the awful point, and that's also how people get diseases like Hpv or Aids. I do think abortion is a fucking big deal and the most traumatic thing for any young woman, hurting women physically and torture women psychologically. But I also do have less sympathy for those girls who don't value themselves and then have to get it. Though I feel like they still will learn something from the painful thing that they have to go through, but there was a price for it. In fact, they shouldn't have done it and they don't even know how it works. I'm not saying it's a piece of useless information. I just think the experience of it is not as interesting as any lab class, which I would never ever want to try it even once in my life.

I mean, they don't even need to know how it works. Like I have never worried about when my period would come, it always happens on the same day of the same week monthly cycle in my life, like it never strays from it. Not because I'm fucking barren or something else. I have been taking birth control since I was 18 years old. I know I was born on the planet to become a mother, but definitely not right now!!!!!

7.Use acne treatment every day

【待调整】
1.必须严格根据To do list行事，不做to do list 以外的事。
2.禁止不必要支出。
3.禁止一切Dating app。
4.禁止2200——0800以外的时间在床上睡觉。 (Kiki 🦋)

5. Any sweet food is not allowed to eat 6. Need a lot of proteins 7.Any high-calorie food is not allowed

5. Any sweet food is not allowed to eat
6. Need a lot of proteins 
7.Any high-calorie food is not allowed (Kiki 🦋)

8. The face is can not be touched

【The check list of Law】 1.必须严格根据To do list行事，不做to do list 以外的事。 2.禁止不必要支出。 3.禁止一切Dating app。 4.禁止2200——0800以外的时间在床上睡觉。 5. Any sweet food is not allowed to eat 6. Need a lot of proteins 7.Any high-calorie food is not allowed 8. The face is can not be touched

【Regular habits check list】 1.每日跑步 2.每日背单词 3.每日Reading 4.每日记账 5.每日涂身体乳 6.每日学习 & 生活 & 社交反省总结 7.learn new chapter by myself before every class 8.Use acne treatment every day

Honestly, she is so fucking annoying, texting you something pointless 24/7, asking you to do those silly cleaning things that you shouldn't be responsible for, but I still don't wanna be pissed off regardless, even if no one respect my time and the effort that I put but still myself would, she does not deserve my angry.

I don't understand why I always get the terrible grade in the exam of almost every class at the beginning of the semester like I am not ready for putting my effort on study hard

But today what just happened taught me a lot and I would never and ever study overnight before any exam in the future:) I'm glad there r still many options for me to make up my final grade, thank god😭😭😭

26th February Accomplished ： - 【法典】 - Forest - Pbl Sales Presentation & Public Speaking (21:45 - 23:45) - Go over Math 160 (19:15 - 21:30) - Go over Math 180 (15:30 - 17:30) - Help rayne do deep cleaning (18:15 - 19:15) - Take shower & Fix the bathroom (14:00 - 15:15) - Math g180 (11:00 - 13:45) - Go over Math 180 (20:00 - 2月26日, 00:00)

I know the process of studying is fucking boring and tedious, but what if you can get five 1st awards during the PBL competition!? Don’t you think the potential of getting into UCB is higher!? So that’s why you have to toterale all of this right now !!!!!!!!! Trust me, all of those efforts that you are putting on your work will be paid in a month!!!!!!!!!! 2020.02.27

I just want you to know that, if you don’t study, you don’t even have the GPA of 3.9, and a GPA of 3.9, and you have to pay the price for

I feel like drinking coffee really improved my learning efficiency:)So I might try to used to drink it whenever I study Plus, it would be better if you organize the main part of the sentence that you try to say before you speak out it, plz never and ever star saying before you know what is the main structure of your idea.

Whenever you try to turn left, but there are more than 2 cars are waiting behind you, you can only turn right!!!!!!! That's your law!!!!!! Cuz today what just happened was fucking dangerous!!!!!!! Never and ever do that again, except you wanna die!!!!!!

2020.03.03 Sorry, I literally forget to say something last night, cuz everything that I did perfectly and things are moving in a promising direction, so, good luck and keep going!

Weekly goal： 1.Math 180 Quiz 100 2.Finish Revise Math 160 3.Objective Test 100×3 4.Recite Sales Presentation ×100 5.Recite the whole public story

I really thank myself, thanks for helping me to become a better me, thanks for studying so hard, thanks for following my rule, thanks for being alive, and thank you so much:)

I really thank myself, thanks for helping me to become a better me, thanks for studying so hard, thanks for following my rule, thanks for being alive, and thank you so much:) (Kiki 🦋)

2020.03.03 Good night

大半夜查了下数据，不好好学习的后果就是可能要转成Data science /Data Math。 清醒点吧：)

2020.03.04 Why did you fail in quiz 3 of Mathematics? Cuz you forgot to check the range of test, you just thought the test gonna redo the questions of the test one, you didn't revise the things that you should. But the most important thing is, you didn't master the knowledge of Chapter 2, in case any possibility that you lost any points of chapter 2, you should finish all the homework of chapter 2 from today:(

2020.03.04 I would say it's really important to have the empathy:)

睡眠是学习的收获阶段。学习+熬夜 = 竹篮打水。

Try to divide your weekly goal into several small goals and then do it, it would make you clearly know what you are striving for.

******* Forget law No.6

Something needs to be improved: Law should be Revised every day You should focus on your work when you are at the interval of forest Try to speak out on a topic every day in 10mins Try to speak out loudly

******* sleep more than 8 hours /day is better than sleep 3 hours/day so that you have to study with drink coffee:)

And!!!! Spend 2% of your money, Aka spend the interest of your revenue, so that you would have a continuous income :)

2020.03.06 1.人们常常用努力过的假象，来掩饰失败。 2.方法和态度缺一不可，光努力是不可能成功的。 3.人生最大的错觉是，以为自己很努力，以为别人都没努力。 4.战术上的勤奋是不足以掩盖战略上的懒惰。 5.没有在理解的基础上背东西，背的就只是题目不是知识点。 6.在学习中要不断获得反馈，不能做自己认为对的事，要做经过实验检验后正确的事。 7.对于自己的学习进度没有宏观把控，不知道自己每天在做什么，该做什么，只是学习。

当日背过的所有单词编码30一组丢进Anki 背所有东西要联系 不可死记硬背

2020年3月22日 突然意识到自己已经22岁8个月了。上个月的今天我绝对想不到世界疫情会到这种程度，本以为国内只要控制住，疫情就会结束在夏天来临前。 但经过这次疫情真的让我意识到，钱真的是身外之物，生不带来死不带去，有命赚没命花是最惨的，所以多活一天都是赚一天。 希望我爱的人都能平平安安的。

2020年8月2日 我回来啦。：）

2020年8月1日 What did I do today? 1.Deep cleaning 【ok】 2.Do the shopping 【ok】 3.<<Big little lie>>Season1 Ep1 【ok】 4.Work out 【ok】 What I would like to do tomorrow？ 1.预约心理医生 2.500 words 3.早起 4.有声小说 5.复习<<Big little lie>> 晚安。

2020/08/09 Diary Today is the first day that I decided to write the diary. I genuinely hope I can learn to hold out by keep writing the journal. I haven't written the diary ever since I graduated from high school. Time flew by, I can not remember the days that I spend in high school now, but those days were lovely. There was nothing special happened today. I did not go out, and I stayed at home almost the whole day, but I went out to run for a little bit around 7 pm. I felt like I am being energetic when I was working out, and I think it's constructive for my health. I read some studies before, showing that people who keep working out would look younger than those who don't. Who doesn't want to look younger?so I decided that I will stick to it. I studied a lot today. I used the rest of the time that I stayed at home to study, finishing most of the tasks according to my schedule. By now I would say it was a perfect day:)

2020/08/10 Diary Now it's 0:26 am, and I just took a shower after memorizing all of the new words today. I feel the learning efficiency of today is better than yesterday, and I have been functioning very well this afternoon. However, this degree of productivity is not enough for me to get more things done a day, so I still have to struggle with improving my ability to focus on my work, which is tough but meaningful. I also uninstalled some social media software from my phone, because their existence is distracting for me. I can't help checking them when I am breaking up a long study session. Besides, I am done washing the blanket on the bed for Rayne, and I also bought some grocery items for myself, so I guess I don't have to go outside for food for the rest of the days this week. It was a Monday with joyful and fulfilling.

2020/08/11 Diary Some times I can not help wondering what am I still being here for? Looking back, If I didn't choose this road without hesitation, would I already have a better and stable life that most people are eager for right now? However, none of us see things when they are, and we see the things when we are. Many sad things happened during the past year, especially the pandemic, which caused countless people to die. I learned a lot during the past year, and one thing is we'd better cherish every moment we are having right now in case we regret it at the last minute of our life. For me, even though many uncertain things will be in the future, I still will walk firmly on the road that belongs to me. Besides, The good time he and I spent together always comes to my mind from time to time when I thought I have almost forgotten him. But still, I keep telling myself that no matter how much I wanted to see him, I will never ask to see him again. I knew it was good for me, for him, and us.

2020/08/12 Diary People would like to talk shits with you, but they would not want you just because of who you are. Last night I told Jamie that I feel there is a hole in the deepest part of my heart occasionally, and she said that might be because you are living alone. I can't deny that it is one of the reasons, but I think the other purpose is that I have not been with anyone for almost two years already, and the time may be longer than I thought I would be. I wanted to talk about a lot of things with people, like astronomy, artist, literature, music, dance, etc. Whatever it is, the purpose is to talk. But we all know that it's harder to find someone to talk to than just reading some shits. I wouldn't say I like the world so much I hate so many people, and I hate my friends who didn't even reply to my messager after reading it, and I hate money which genuinely I'm not too fond of it, but I need it though. Good night, the shitty world.

2020/08/13 Diary Today I talked with an old friend again, We pretty much haven't communicated with each other for half a year, but we now started to contact each other. It was a great and fun conversation, and we talked about the weather, the infectious disease, the school, and our life. I feel satisfied with having someone to talk to, and at least it made me feel like I am not alone to death. I also went for a run today, although the distance wasn't too long like I used to run, it is enough for my health even though I ate ice cream after that a lot. I called my mum this afternoon after I received the text about paying my tuition before the 10th of next month, honestly, It is a lot of money for my family, but I already go on this way so that I don't have any other choice right now. People never know if the way they are going to go on would be applicable until they tried it. I hope I could professionally build an application on my own shortly, and I hope to make my mum live a happier life. Most programmers say that they want to make the earth a better place. For me, I would say I want to live in a more comfortable life. From where I see it, the timing is a fundamental issue as I can be successful or not, I need to consider timing.

2020/08/14 Diary Yeeeah! Today is Friday, and I can't believe I have been sticking to write a diary for almost a week. What a splendid habit that I am having! Still, nothing special happened today, but the electricity went out for a little bit this afternoon when I was about to go for a run. Luckily, the power went back after I got home for minutes, so it didn't affect my study and work a lot. Besides, my mom called me, and we talked with each other for a while, I don't know why I feel so down whenever I talk to my mum. I guess it's because I know how much pressure my mum has under during the past year. I felt so guilty about the poor score I had the past few months, I should say sorry to my mum, and I really should do. But it's no sense to have these negative feelings. The only thing I should do is study harder and work harder to have a better future, which will make my mum smiling. Sometimes I feel like I am too strict with myself, asking myself to study more than relax. Now, I found out that you would work more productively if you rest well. Just realized people are vicious, and you would never know how they will treat you or do to you, so be careful doing anything and living.

2020/08/21 Diary So happy to restart to write my diary again! Honestly, I went through so many things these days. Firstly, I met up with a psychologist three days ago. It shows that I have a mental issue. I feel anxious all the time, and It's hard for me to get sleep. Also, I don't have the appetite to eat even I can feel hungry. Sometimes, I try to get rest, but it's just hard. And I didn't get any pill after I did the video call with the psychologist. So I guess I have to find another one. And two days ago, I text my old friend Ricky, I'm glad I still have his phone number, all though I don't exactly know I still want to see him, I feel like he is a decent human being and I also wish to be friends with him again, so I guess that's the reason why I tried to text him, and then guess what? He replied to me so promptly, though I feel like he was not glad to text me. At least he said he still wanted to be friends with me. I think that's enough. During the last week, I met with a boy two times, maybe those were dates, the feeling is mixed, I don't feel that I like him, but I feel so irritable when I found out that he didn't text me. Though he snaped me, snap is like group snap. But I know I am the person who is easy to exaggerate my feeling, as I cried for a boy one year ago, I think I need to calm down, and time will tell you who is the right one. Emily said to me that I should be the person who takes the initiative, but I knew I used to be that one, and then I got disappointment. That's why I DON'T WANNA DO THIS EVER AND NEVER AGAIN! Tomorrow, I shall meet up with a guy, though I feel like I don't like him at all, I don't even know why I agreed to see him, but I think I should be a person who always keeps the promise, so I still decided to see him. Besides, the school will open in 2 days; I have to focus on my study again. I can't think about shit like I used to be. You've got this, Wen!

事事不会尽如你所愿，但至少现在我有喜欢的人，有该做的事，一切也在朝着好的方向走，这就已经很值得知足了。

2020/09/19 What he said doesn't mean anything and what he did can really mean something.

2020/09/20 Don't put hope on your partner, so you won't be disappointed when they wouldn't do what you want. If you wanna someone to do something for you, speak out.

好的情绪吸引好的情绪，坏的情绪牵引坏的情绪。 告诉自己，我需要的任何东西都不需要从伴侣身上获取，我自己就可以给到自己。 我的价值不取决于伴侣对我付出与否。 减少受到伴侣的情绪负面影响。

我们为什么要学习爱人的能力 很多人的理解中，觉得失恋不过是本次的失败，是不合适，遇人不淑的原因，换个人不就好了，为什么要学爱人的能力？ 原理很简单。 感情中的高低，决定因素不是表面上的谁让谁，谁哄谁，而是谁更需求谁。 换句话说，当我们拥有了爱人的能力，我们要找的不过就是一个真正契合的人，而不是一个包容忍让自己小性子的人。 相比需要被人爱的人而言，你拥有了更多的选择权。 请你记得，我们学爱人，不是为了讨好，而是为了有更多的选择。

真的就是因为爱吗？ 有关这个问题，我相信很多人的认知都是：我爱他所以才为他付出那么多，我爱他才会因为他生气。 其实我之前也是这么认为的，直到又一次被分手后，我开始反思自己，是哪里出了问题了。 其实并不是爱 只不过是情绪依赖罢了。 你害怕被否定，所以只要他有一点点不认同你，你就会难过。 你害怕失去，所以他只不过是跟异性说了句话，你就醋坛子打了一地。 你就一恋爱脑，所以他做的不符合你的期待，你就心态崩了，恨不得天翻地覆。 直到他跟你分了手……

有关于情侣之间的安全感，这方面，我只能告诉你，每个人都是自由的。虽然出轨违背道德，但本质上这也是他的自由，你没法控制。所以出现情侣之间的安全感的时候，要告诉自己，过度的情绪负责，对对方而言是累赘，对自己而言也会丧失自我。于公，你丧失自我会进一步加大出轨的概率，于私，丧失自我也会让你疲惫不堪。 要学会情感独立，才会爱人。

1.未来看不到摸不着，可以看到和明确的就是过去和现在，所以把握现在就是把握将来。 2.当克服了人性的情绪弱点，用另一种眼光去看待你和伴侣的关系，不再将期待放在对方身上，无论做什么都是因为希望对方开心不求回报，但同时自己也有价值，一段感情才能长久。 正向情绪才能吸引正向情绪。

1.未来看不到摸不着，可以看到和明确的就是过去和现在，所以把握现在就是把握将来。

2.当克服了人性的情绪弱点，用另一种眼光去看待你和伴侣的关系，不再将期待放在对方身上，无论做什么都是因为希望对方开心不求回报，但同时自己也有价值，一段感情才能长久。

正向情绪才能吸引正向情绪。 (Kiki 🦋)

Dating with Justin：153 days ❤️

2021.01.16 Half of Essay 1【✔】 Finished reading 【✔】 Study while zoom meeting【✔】 Using forest while study 【✔】

2021.01.26——2021.01.31 【周任务】 1.Essay 2 2.Final essay 3.6x500 words 4.study at least 60 hours 5.Reading discussion 5 6.Read all the reading of English 100 for this semester

2021.01.27.Wed 完成率较低 Highs: 1⃣️完成了research paper部分前置 2️⃣Eng 100维持在90% Lows: 1⃣️白天完全没有效率

2021.01.28.Thu 完成率Ok Highs: 1️⃣Final essay提前完成 2️⃣ 不碰手机 10hours 3️⃣ Discussion+画图提前完成 Lows: 1⃣️上午效率低下想睡觉:(

2021.01.29.Fri 起床时间：0630

2021.01.29.Fri 读文献的速度和水平需要提高，阅读速度还是太慢了。 写作水平也需要同步的提高，尽量避免低级的语法错误，注重文章的构架和条理。

2021.01.28.Fri 完成率高 Highs: 1️⃣Final essay修改5遍 2️⃣ 不碰手机 14hours 3️⃣提前完成 Research paper4️⃣To do list全部完成 Lows: 1⃣️没抽出时间work out

每天睡够8小时，坚持运动保持身体健康，专注的做自己的热爱的事情真的很快乐ฅ۶•ﻌ•♡

2021.01.30.Sat 起床时间：8am 天气：阴 心情：愉快

2021.01.30.Sat 完成率高 Highs: 1️⃣Research paper修改5遍 2️⃣ 不碰手机 11 hours 3️⃣及时调整了负面心态 放下了负面情绪完成了收尾工作4️⃣To do list完成80% Lows: 1⃣️仍旧没抽出时间work out

2021.01.31.Sun 起床时间：9am 天气：阴 心情：Ok

2021.01.31.Sun 完成率一般 Highs:1️⃣和男友Hang out前完成了所有紧急和重要任务2️⃣和导师Keep in touch及时反馈了可能遇到的问题 Lows:1️⃣运动量太少2️⃣前一晚熬夜导致无法早起 3️⃣没有保证质量良好的睡眠

2021.02.01.Mon 起床时间：0800 天气：阴 心情：Ok